I wanted to learn to knit and crochet. When I was a little girl, I remember watching my mom turn balls of yarn into comfy, cozy blankets, hats, and other yummy things. I thought she was a magician. When I was 12, she tried to teach me, and I think it took about 2 days for me to throw the needles down in disgust and walk away. Knitting was for old ladies and I was not an old lady.
This summer, I decided to give it a go. It took some doing, but I am now confident in my emerging yarnworking skills.
Somewhat confident. Well, like, 35% of the time.
Okay, I have severe knitting anxiety. I have yet to cast-on a project and finish it without frogging at least two or three times. I have balls of yarn I've started a few times, made a little progress on, and then either (A) found a mistake too far back to really fix, or (B) realize this yarn is not right for this pattern or project. I have a decent stash, especially considering the big box of yarn my friend Jamie sent me. I do small projects here and there. For about 2 months there wasn't one day I didn't at least start a project. Now I got maybe a day or two in between. I've never really had a hobby. Something I did, was good at, and kept at. This is a hobby. I love it. LOVE IT. I'm completely addicted. I love yarn. I love hooks. I love needles. I love Ravelry, and I love Knitpicks, and I love the soft, yarny things I have created for my friends and loved ones.
Why did I want to learn to knit and crochet? I have this afghan. It's a ripple design, made with a super soft cotton yarn. It's white, pink, two shades of turquoise, and a cantaloupe color. When I was 12, I asked my mom to make it for me. She finished it just before my first year of girls' camp, and it went with me every year. It's not exactly square, and one end of it is slightly dingy and always has been. I don't know why, but I also don't care. I love that afghan. I will always love it. I will keep it until it's in tatters because my Mommy made it for me. I wanted that. I wanted to make things for people. For them to use the things I made and think, "I have this because Betsy loves me." I always feel loved when I wrap up in that afghan, and I want to send my love to the people I love. Like a tangible hug. And now I can, and it makes me incredibly happy. It may be cheesy, but I absolutely love it.
And it gives me anxiety. Is it normal to frog several times before really buckling down and finishing? And as I'm knitting, I think, "Is this the right color? Does this look alright? Do you think it'll fit? Do you think she/he'll like it?" And that's the big one. Will they like it? Will they know how much I loved crafting this? Will they appreciate the work and frustration and anxiety that's gone into it? Will they wear it? Will they follow the care instructions? Will it last? My poor sweet husband is so patient with my knitting insecurity. I don't know how he does it, but he always smiles and pats me on the head and tells me how great it is and how great I am at it. It's weird; I am confident that I am a good knitter. But I'm also incredibly insecure about it.
I love it, though. Maybe I'll become less anxious as I get better and more experienced. And maybe next blog I'll showcase all the great stuff I've made.
I don't knit but I have many of those anxieties when I give a handmade gift...is it the right color, pattern, size, will they like it, does it look "good enough"? I think its just because as a society we don't really do handmade gifts anymore so you feel worried and judged when you do give one. And sadly some people will turn up their noses at a handmade gift.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have a hobby and are enjoying knitting, I've seen your awesome stuff you've made posted on fb and I am really surprised you have not been knitting for a long time, I assumed you had been doing it for years :)
Aawwww, thank you Jessica! What a great compliment!
ReplyDeleteKnitting anxiety is normal. I get it every year at Christmas time when I give gifts. I think the analogy I used was handmade is like handing someone a frog...some will say "AW! How cute!" keep the frog and have fun taking care of it. Others will say, "AW! How cute!" and toss the frog. I've actually been given back an item I made for someone two years later cause she "didn't like it and maybe someone else will get more use out of it, like Jesse".
ReplyDeleteAfghans are wonderful gifts though and I've gotten the most positive responses from them and always see them out in the homes I visit.
At the end all I suspect you are more of a designer mind set, than a finished project mindset. I suspect you enjoy the process more... :) Which is really cool and I look forward to seeing what you come up with.
Seriously read the book Stephanie Pearl-McPhee Casts Off. :)
I think you are a great knitter (is that a word?). It require talent, which you obviously have! I think it's normal to be anxious about it, especially if you're giving it as a gift.
ReplyDeletelose the anxiety babe, because you aren't just giving a gift, you're having them requested! Because they WANT that item to say "Aw, Betsy made this for me." I think you have the anxiety not because you're worried about quality- but because you put your heart into it. And you are so talented :)
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