I love breastfeeding.

Anyone who's known me for more than ten minutes knows I'm all about breastfeeding. I always have been. I was in my teens before I realized that anyone chose not to breastfeed. The idea was so foreign to me. My siblings and I were all breastfed to some degree, and growing up I was around lots and lots of babies and pretty much all of them were breastfed. It was always very normal to me. I remember when Aaron and I were discussing marriage and I told him, pretty out of the blue, that I was going to breastfeed. His exact response was, "Uh, okay." I'd heard stories of men who couldn't get over the idea that his wife's breasts belonged to him and didn't want to share. I wanted to avoid that kind of confrontation.

He's always been very very supportive of my breastfeeding. He tells me on a fairly regular basis that he loves how I breastfeed our babies. He tries to get men he knows to convince their wives to breastfeed. It makes me proud and it tickles me.

I planned on breastfeeding Emily for a year, then weaning slowly at about 15 months. That way, I'd "get my body back" for trying to get pregnant with another baby. I had no idea that I would fall in love with breastfeeding my baby. It's amazing, the feeling of relaxation, of being needed, of being the very center of this tiny, beautiful person's world. I went ahead and got pregnant at around 17-18 months, as planned, but didn't quit nursing. I was told to wean her, but I just couldn't do it. I had never known anyone who breastfed as long as I was doing, but it just felt right. One day, Aaron suggested I wean the baby, because it was odd to him to see a child her age nursing, and I told him to mind his own business. He's never suggested I wean again. Haha. She was pretty much self-weaning, and I told her that we'd be done once the baby got here. She did fine with that. The night I went into labor with Libby, contracting, nursing Emily, is one of my most cherished memories. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

I nursed Libby for what felt like an eternity. She was much more needy than Emily was, and could never be distracted from nursing. If she asked for boobie, then boobie was the only thing that could make her happy. It could be very draining at times. When I got pregnant in September of 2008, I knew that if I nursed her throughout the pregnancy that she would want to nurse every time the newborn wanted to nurse, and I couldn't handle that. I had wanted to practice child-led weaning, so I was somewhat disappointed, but I didn't want to resent Libby for nursing as long as she had. We lost the baby, but I had already made my peace with weaning and was getting tired of it, so I slowly weaned her over a course of 6 months.

I always had this idea that nursing a boy would feel odd. Not wrong, but different, somehow, than nursing a girl. It's stupid, really, to think that. Breastfeeding isn't sexual, but I still wondered if it would feel as "right" as nursing my girls had. When Jack was born, that went away completely. I didn't even remember worrying for weeks. When he was born, and I started bleeding, I tried to get him to nurse for about half an hour before he latched on. Then, after I got back from the hospital, I couldn't wait to get him in my arms and get him nursing again. I cried as I held him again. Six hours is an eternity when you're away from your newborn baby. After that, we lay in bed all the rest of that day, and he nursed almost constantly. I was so exhausted I barely opened my eyes. I couldn't get enough of him and he couldn't get enough of me. It was peaceful, sweet, and quiet. So much better than the noisy, bright, non-private hospital. But I digress.

Nursing my children, all of my children, is a peaceful, fulfilling experience. Holding my darling angels in my arms, to my breast, is lovely. Their lips are so pretty flanged out while they nurse. Jack often wants to nurse in bed, and he pets my breast as he nurses. If he quits suckling for a bit and I move to unlatch him, he curls up like a shrimp and searches with his mouth. If he can feel my breast with his hand, he tries to pull me toward him. It's the cutest damn thing, it really is. I feel loved when I nurse my babies. I feel proud, and peaceful, and unburdened. Breastfeeding is wonderful. Aside from birthing my babies, breastfeeding them is the best thing I've ever done for them. I love it, I really do.