I Want to be a Tool.

Today, in Relief Society, a sister in my ward gave a lesson on service. She compared us to workman's tools; a small and mighty screwdriver, a wrench she called the "no instructions needed" tool, a more specialized "bishop's tool" used for only one or two things but which no other tool could do, and a "beasty yet sensitive" torque wrench. She asked several other sisters in the ward to come forward and share about times in their lives when they have been blessed by service either by serving others or being the one served. She spoke of several stories in the scriptures where Christ served his kingdom, and finished by challenging each of us to be the kind of tool we ARE, and use whatever talent we have inside of us to serve our fellow man, and in so doing, to serve Christ. We finished with they hymn "As Sisters in Zion," which always chokes me up...and that can be pretty embarrassing when you're the chorister. These are the lyrics:

As sisters in Zion, we'll all work together;
The blessings of God on our labors we'll seek.
We'll build up his kingdom with earnest endeavor;
We'll comfort the weary and strengthen the weak.

The errand of angels is given to women;
And this is a gift that, as sisters, we claim;
To do whatsoever is gentle and human;
To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

How vast is our purpose, how broad is our mission,
If we but fulfill it in spirit and deed.
Oh, naught but the Spirit's divinest tuition
Can give us the wisdom to truly succeed.

I never can remember past the first verse because that's when I tear up and lose my place. Those first two lines of the second verse fill me with something I can't really explain. The errand of angels. The idea that our job as women is to be a comfort and bring about kindness and growth to each other, just feels so right. As I'm writing this I'm thinking that this has to do with the natural birth movement; the idea of women attending women in their hour of need. Maybe this is why natural birthing, breastfeeding peer support, and the like mean so much to me. But I am getting off-topic. The purpose of my writing today was these words that the teacher spoke today; "Some of you may think you don't have anything to offer in service to your sisters, but we each have some talent that will benefit someone, no matter how small it may seem to you."

What is my talent? What is my service? And when I offer, is it given as a service or is my message clouded by my own imperfect expectations? Am I showing the love of Christ to those I encounter? Am I shining with the light of Christ? I don't know if I am. But I want to. I don't know my God the way He knows me. And I want to. The only way I can do this is by studying the works He has given us full of loving instruction and reprimand, and by speaking to Him, personally, every day. I am disappointed in my own complacency and lack of effort. This needs to change. The only way I will know I am doing what He wants me to do, is by knowing HIM. I want to be a tool, used by Him to bring His love to others who may not be feeling it at the time. I need to work harder at being less selfish...or less broadly selfish at least. I know there are times that selfishness is a good thing, but I think I use it too much, I rely upon myself too much, forgetting how much He loves me, and how He wants me to turn to Him, how much He wants to help me with my burdens that feel so heavy at times I worry I'll be crushed. This means that I have work to do, and I am eager to do it.