Best Friends

When I was a little girl, my brother had a best friend. They had been best friends ever since we were all little children. They were inseperable, did everything together. They stayed close up until they were in their late teens, I believe. And I, as the token little sister, of course loved him. But that's beside the point. I was always jealous of their relationship. I'd read books and see movies and TV shows with people who had been best friends all their lives, from early childhood into adulthood, and I wished I had someone like that. My life has been, more or less, a series of best friends, and I always kept hoping that each one would be my last.

My first "best friend" I remember was when I was in elementary school. A girl named Kim Brooks who told me she wouldn't be my friend if I wore my seat belt on the school bus. haha.
I met Barbara in 4th grade. We were both tomboyish and sat at the "boys" table at lunch, and couldn't stand girl friendships. I stayed up all night for the first time with her. We watched Chucky together. She taught me how to shave my legs. Around the middle of 6th grade, we were still friends but had grown apart some. We hung out with the same people and sat together at lunch, but that intense "best friend" thing was gone. I was very good friends with a few girls; Anna, Angelene, and Leslie, and went through phases with all of them. Anna and I were very close, but then she moved away suddenly in 7th grade. Leslie and I fought a lot, and Angelene and I were close but didn't have that same bond. Her mom wouldn't let her come to my house because I lived in the ghetto. :( I also spent a lot of time during this time with Joy, who lived in my apartment complex and I loved but was also a little intimidated by.

Around the middle of 7th grade, I became close with a girl at church named Nancy. Up until this point we'd been kind of enemies, but of course I can't remember why now. She and I had a very dramatic, intense relationship. I think a lot of it was personality and a lot was going through really big firsts together. We were best friends through most of high school, and up until I got married. We went through a lot of really heavy stuff together, and toward the end I really just had to step back in order to deal with my own emotions and goals. We still talk, but not often.

Right after I met Aaron, I met Tosha. She was funny, refreshing, and pretty much my exact opposite. So of course we clicked right away. She opened my mind and taught me to think ina new way. She was with me when I got married. I was with her when she got married. She went to the university I lived at because I was there. She'd come over every day and play with Emily. I have very sweet memories of her coming over and jumping down on all fours with her butt up in the air, making silly faces and noises at baby Emmy. When she had nowhere to live after her freshman year of college, she moved in with us before her wedding that summer. I cried my eyes out at her wedding, just like she'd done at mine. She moved to Japan to live with her Marine husband. The following year, Libby was born and Aaron joined the Army. I kept meaning to visit her, but never could make it happen. I remember her calling me when she found out she was pregnant with her daughter. I was working at the bar and she kept calling over and over; I finally ducked under the counter and answered, and came up with tears in my eyes. Toward the end of her pregnancy, right before she moved back to the States, right before Aaron deployed, we had a huge fight and I told her never to call me again. We had been best friends for 7 years. I mourned the loss of our friendship almost like someone might mourn a death. I agonized, I blamed, I cried, and I could never stop thinking of her. We went two years without talking.

During that time, I learned a lot. I realize now that most of the blame for what happened belongs with me. I learned that my very best friend is my husband. I became very close with my big sister. And I gained a new best girlfriend, Laura. I think a lot of what happened with Tosha is because of my own self-importance. I have talked about it at length with Laura, and I think what happened is, when you're best friends in high school, it can be really hard to translate and evolve into adult best friends. I am of two minds on the subject of me and Tosha's breakup. On the one hand, I treated her unfairly. I undervalued her intelligence and her relationship with her husband and his family. I had unrealistic expectations, and I was mean, really. I found myself often wishing that, if we couldn't be BFF's, that we had at least split amicably. I missed her, I missed out on two years of her daughter's life, and a lot of other times that she really could have used her best friend. I regret that. I wish I could have at least been a shoulder for her. Now, having her back in my life, I'm really feeling how wrong I was for hurting her, for leaving her.

On the other hand, I am very grateful for what it did to my relationship with my husband. For how it drew Teresa and I together. For the way Laura and I relied on each other. I wouldn't change any of those things, but I wish it hadn't cost my relationship with Tosha to get them. I do have her back in my life, now, and I'm grateful for that. Our relationship is different now, but I think a lot of that has to do with knowing what it's like to not have each other. I'm grateful that I don't have to label the people I love as "best friend" in order for them to be a person I love and cherish. I have many women in my life that I can't imagine dealing with my everyday stresses without.

I don't feel like my life is incomplete without a best friend. I don't think I will ever be without a best friend, because, really, Aaron is the one person in this world who knows me through and through, and who I can be as dumb as I want and he'll still love and respect me. There's something really special about having your sister be your best friend, too. She can't get rid of me! Ha ha! I'm grateful for all my ladies, I hope they know this. My world is so rich because of all the different women in my life who help me see things in another light, and who stand behind me. You are all blessings in my life.